After a super slump on Thursday afternoon I spent the evening crying like a baby. It is so hard to explain after the darkness has gone, but it is like nothing in the whole world matters and there is no one that feels the way I do. It is when this darkness comes over that I could easily slip into a suicidal state. It just feels like no one would even notice, no one would even care. It is a totally numb feeling. The tiredness that comes from this is overwhelming, I literally feel like I could sleep forever. It is impossible to explain what all these emotions and feelings are like unless you have felt them.
It is a vicious circle, I know that by getting up and doing exercise I will feel better but, to actually make myself get up and do it is impossible. So I feel crap for the rest of the day and want to binge on sweet things, which makes me feel rubbish and so on.
Yesterday morning I looked like a zombie, puffy eyes, black circles, grey skin. I looked ill. These are the physical effects of the mental torture. Then in the afternoon when I felt marginally brighter, my Husband took the opportunity to force me out the door and over to the newly acquired allotment!
I spent just over an hour clearing, weeding and preparing one of the beds ready to have some potatoes planted. The physical work set off the endorphins and I felt lots better, there is such a connection. It did help to kick start me a bit and after an evening with some friends and a lovely dinner I went to bed much happier last night. I even managed to get up and do 45 minutes of body sculpt this morning, followed by some ironing and chilling out with the kids. Either this means that an allotment is the answer or that I should see the onset of a period within the next 12 hours or so.
I could have written what you have put up there Cara, so similar to my slumps. It's so horrible and draining.
ReplyDeleteLynda B x