My Poor Neglected Blog!

I seem to be feeling so well that I have neglected you, blog! Maybe this is a good thing, but I can't share my progress if I fail to tell you all how well I am feeling, can I?

I had my second injection last Wednesday. The anticipation was far worse than the moment itself. I dragged a friend into the Nurse's room with me, this wasn't planned, it is just that I saw her getting a repeat prescription so I bundled her into the waiting room and told her to hold my hand LOL!! Once again I had the local anaesthetic and then the Zoladex. Once again I ended up with a dead leg for a few hours! I don't know how this occurs, but it must be something to do with where the local is injected (lower right hand side of abdomen) that it affects the quad muscle. The bruising is not bad this time either. I was a bit sore for 3 days, but on the whole, this time was much better!

Part of this process is, obviously, Psychological and so I do feel better because I know I am getting treatment. However, there must be something right and this must be the right treatment, otherwise I would still be having horrendous pain and suicidal tendencies still wouldn't I? So many things have changed, it is like being a new person again. I can't even say it is like being the old me again, because I have never been "right".

This coming Saturday, the 15th May, will be a year since I told my Sister about the abuse I went through. It feels like a significant milestone, something to celebrate and yet, it isn't something to celebrate at all. How do you celebrate turning your whole world upside down and breaking the hearts of the people you love most? But in a year, a small space of time really, I have become a completely different person.

For the first time ever I am me, just me. I no longer have to mask anything, hide anything, pretend about anything, put on a brave face or fake my happiness. Can you imagine just how immense that feels? I can be me, and I really don't care how that portrayal of me comes across anymore, because I am not pretending. I think I have come to accept me for who I am. No, not everyone will like me and that is fine because I am no longer bending to conform to what everyone else wants or expects. I don't have to pretend to be "normal" so that people won't guess my secret. It is all rather liberating.

PMDD and Abuse are two aspects of my life, but they don't make me who I am. I am a Mother, I am a Daughter, a Wife, a Sister, a friend and rather nice person.

I rock :O)

A change is a-coming!

I can honestly say I have not felt this good for a VERY long time. Things are already starting to get better and I kid you not, I am fighting fit and ready to rumble! It is now a month since my last injection - I am having my next one tomorrow, the difference is astounding. I have had no pain really, maybe some niggles, nothing major. I have not had any major mood swings, just one day at mid cycle. Nothing the day before myu period arrived which was always the suicidal day.

Yes, I have had some other ailments to put up with, the odd hot flush and bad skin but on the whole I would put up with those a million times over compared to what my life was like before Zoladex!

I have just had the most brilliant weekend with friends. It has been a bank holiday this weekend and over the course of 3 days I have consumed my body weight in wine and slept barely enough to keep functioning but hell it was fun!!!!! I could never imagine how free I would feel after the last few years. I doubt this weekend would have been like that at all, had I not started these injections already.

I am dreading tomorrows injection. Now I am aware of how bad the injection really is, I dread it! But it will be over by 10.30 and the local will wear off by the afternoon and I know to take some pain killers when I get home now. So whilst I am dreading it, I am prepared. It is not much to sacrifice for all the freedom I have had this past month.

I am now looking forward to September when I go back to the consultant and tell them it is working!!!!

Here is to many more happy posts!