Thursday 15 April 2010

Being an oustsider

Feeling pretty crap today. I can't even put into words how I feel today. I feel like I am such an outsider, that no one can really understand how I am feeling because even I don't. I feel a mixture of everything, but mostly I feel the paranoia has kicked in. I don't trust anyone. I have always been pretty open about how I am feeling, the reasons might not have been given but I wear my heart on my sleeve. But in doing so I have made my life open for all to scrutinise and judge.

The thing with PMDD is that, because so few people have it or have been diagnosed with it, no one can say "oh yeah I understand".

I feel like the only person in the world at the moment who is being made to go through a menopause only to have to have a hysterectomy at the end anyway.

It is all just shit.

The tablets are making me have hot flushes, I am craving sweet things constantly, gaining weight and have spots galore.

Yet even though these things are making me feel crap, what am I doing? Eating more shit and doing no exercise. I give up, I am so flaky. I can't even stop myself from eating crap. I eat crap, I put on weight, I put on weight, I feel lousy, I feel lousy, I eat more crap.... and so on.

Right now, I just want to disappear from the world.

1 comment:

  1. I just wanted to say I understand. Am also in south east of the UK and have PMDD. I've only just started reading your blog so will read on through and see where you are now. I'm currently taking fluoxetine to help with my symptoms but have had a terrible time this month and am back to considering the zolodex. Had it a few years back when I had a septum operated on and it was the best I'd felt in years (esp when they gave me Oestrogen as well!). I would like an end to these symptoms though. Just wanted to wave and say you're not alone.

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