4th injection was had on Wednesday last week. All was fine, did not even flinch. I have got used to it and the nurse is well practised now! However, the tiredness still knocks me sideways. It is like being hit by a bus, the kind of tiredness that makes you ache from head to toe. It lasted all the way through the weekend, but I think that was partly the injection and partly that my Son was not well so I had broken sleep anyway.
The physical symptoms of Menopause seem to be really kicking in, sporadic bleeds, hot sweats, terrible skin and the occasional outburst of anger. But the physical symptoms of PMDD are almost gone. You could say that the anger was related to one of three things, could be PMDD, Menopause or the trauma. Maybe I am just an angry person??!!
I don't have any crippling pain anymore, no fear of the coming weeks which led to the anxiety and panic attacks and no suicidal tendencies at the end of two weeks of hell. I do still get the panic which rises when I am out of my comfort zone. Being in our little town is like being in a bubble, same people out and about, regular faces and familiar sights, so stepping outside of that is hard. I can go to see family and I can go to unfamiliar places with family, but outside of that I know I can't do it. Not yet anyway. I am getting better though, it was only last year I was too scared to even drive anywhere. For me to not drive I must have been in a bad way, I love driving, it was the one thing I could not wait to do. I took my first driving lesson on my 17th birthday and passed my test within 3 months!
There are only two more injections before my review. I am trying not to get my hopes up that there will be a unanimous decision to get me in for surgery to have a full hysterectomy quickly. But that is what I want. My life is still pretty much on hold until I know that is the answer, there are things I want to do but I can't commit to them until I know what the timescale of completing my treatment is. But I do know I want a hysterectomy, my life is transformed by these injections and if this is how life will be then I want it. I want life to be like this all the time, without fear of the coming weeks and the constant worry about how I will feel the next day or next week or whether I need to hide indoors because I can't go out for fear of bleeding and flooding the place!
Roll on September.
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